Old men and throwing up are my life now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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