I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize