areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
