she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize