What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize