Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
