went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
