but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
