Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
