I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
