Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
