Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
