All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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