And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
