youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
