Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
