smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
