what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
