I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
