Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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