I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
