So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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