please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
