somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
