Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
