WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
