The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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