i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
