oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
