I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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