My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
