well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
