is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
