My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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