I skipped work to stalk him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
