I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
