eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
