dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
