btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
