what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the condom got lost in my hair
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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