Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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