your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
