I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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