Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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