so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
