I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
