Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
