so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize