I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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