I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
last night I used snow as a chaser
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
