You're my little dorito
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
