I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
