uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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