just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize