he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
