also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
