Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
