well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
