VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize