She is in my trunk
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
