im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize