How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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