We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
