I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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