Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
