Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
