We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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