i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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