Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize