I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize