Got a toothbrush?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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