3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
